Passion

Every time we hear about those people who are successful, they will say that their passion in what they do help them to become what they are today. Those same people,depending on their field, will say that they have a passion for helping people, being with people, listening to people, etc. However, I really wonder, while these people seems to be making big money and very successful in their chosen career field, how really passionate they are about those who really mean something to them. People like their friends, relatives, parents, siblings, spouses and children. These are the people who really matters, to my way of thinking. You can have a passion for helping people to succeed, but do you even have the passion or patience to even listen to what your children are telling you? What your friends are trying to say?

In a lot of ways, whenever someone committed suicide, the close friends and relatives around them will express shock and surprise. Why is this so? Is it really that the victim really does not display signs of taking this route or that people around them are not paying close attention enough? I do not believe that a person committing suicide would just decide one day that they're going to do it. It will have passed through their minds way before they actually do it, even if it's just a fleeting thought. If the people around them pay close attention enough, it can be spotted or the victims may even give up the thought of taking this final route.

There's more stress in this day and age when everything should be much easier on our lives. Many people are suffering below the surface but when you said you are successful because you have the passion to succeed, what about the one passion that matters most? What about having enough passion to care for those that you care about? Or are you only passionate about making money and being successful in your career?

Europe trip - Day 4

Sorry, have been too lazy to blog. I decided to blog about the rest of my trip soon, as I feel that I'm losing the small details gradually. So, here goes!

On the 3rd of June, a Wednesday and also the fourth day of our Europe trip, I actually didn't plan on doing anything or going anywhere. We got back late from London the night before and although we slept in, I was thinking of relaxing a little and to spend time with the girls. However, when D asked me if we're doing anything today, for want of something to say, I said that we're considering going to Windsor Castle as it was heavily recommended by A. (It is another residence of the Queen outside London. She lives there most weekends.) We just are not sure how to go there and back. On hearing that, D immediately went into search mode and looked up the internet on the buses to take, routes the buses take, the timings, the costs of the buses, the opening and closing hours of Windsor Castle, etc. He said he could drive us to Windsor but we would have to take the bus back ourselves. There was a lot of researching going on and although at that point WJ and I were still undecided on going, on seeing that D was doing so much for us, we don't feel good to say that we're not going in the end and so end up making a last minute trip to Windsor Castle.

By the time we reached the town of Windsor, it was close to or about 2 plus in the afternoon. Wj and I had a late breakfast and since D didn't offer us any lunch, we didn't have any at the house. We stopped at a diner in town to have fish and chips for lunch before going up to the castle. Not the best fish and chips in London but passable. We also shared a plate of pasta which tasted funny. I think they cook with wine, which made it too sour. The normal paste has tomato sauce, which is sour too, but a tangy sour but this wine taste makes it just sourish. Anyway, not my favourite.

It was a 10-15 mins up to the castle from the town of Windsor. WJ and I took a slow stroll, taking in the shops along the way. By the time we reach the entrance of the castle, it was already 3 plus. There was a free audio tour available to all visitors and we took advantage of it. We took tons of photos just from the entrance to the middle of the castle. There was nice guard there we told us to hurry up to go into St. George's chapel as it was close to closing time. D highly recommend us to go into St. George chapel and so we rushed inside quickly.

St. George's chapel is really very interesting, with the stained glasses and many past Kings and Queens (including the Queen Mother!) buried inside. The only pity thing is that we aren't allowed to take pictures, so I can only rely on my memory to remember the things I saw inside. Both of us enjoyed the chapel and took sometime inside to really look at everything. The audio tour was a very big help in explaining all things and their histories.

When we came out of St. George's chapel, we walked up to the main castle itself, intending to go see the Queen's doll house and the apartments. When we past by the main courtyard, the same guard again told us that we have to hurry up as they're going to close the apartments soon too. So, it was another rush for us to go into the dolls' house and Queen's apartments. Everything inside the apartments were very interesting, and allows us to peek into the lives of the royals, past and present. Again, the rule of no photo-taking applies and we just have to content ourselves with the audio tour.

After the touring of Windsor Castle, it was about 5 plus. D gave us detailed timing for the buses back and I do want to get back early to at least play a little with the girls before they go to bed. So, we went in search of the bus-stop. It was quite easy to find but the next bus is some time away so we did a little window shopping. The bus journey home was actually not long and if everything goes well, we could be home in an hour, which gives me plenty of time to spend time with the girls. However, just as we were getting out of the town of Windsor, there was a traffic jam along the expressway. This took about 20 mins and screwed up the timing for our connecting bus. We again had to wait a little for the connecting bus as we missed the earlier connection and this was where our adventure of the day came.

The bus taking us back to the town of my host family will stop at a bus-stop along a street that I'm not that familiar with. D told me the name of the store to look out for and WJ thought she was being helpful by pointing out some landmarks. All these and my anxiety led to us getting off way too early. The moment we got off the bus and it drove off, we saw the sign that the town we're supposed to be in is int he opposite direction and by asking a passerby, we know that it is too far away to walk. So we had to take the next bus. The problem was, the next bus is not until 30 mins later. It was a cloudy day and the temperature was getting lower and we don't fancy waiting around in the middle of nowhere for the bus, so WJ suggested we walk down to the next bus-stop so at least we have some thing to do. And so we start our long trek. One alternative we could do was that we could call D to pick us up but I didn't want to disturb whatever D is busy with the children and also we don't really know where we are exactly, so it's quite pointless.

It was cold and dangerous and fun all at the same time. Both of us zipped up our jackets and walked along the road where cars were zipping past very fast. We past by two bus-stops and decided to stop at the third one as by the time we stopped there, the next bus was due to come soon. So we paid another two pounds each (the first bus cost us four pounds each). This time, when it was time to get off, I decided to open my mouth to ask whether it was the right one, regardless of being embarrassed. And so we got home safely and full of adventures to tell. WJ and I were saying if we were going to tell D about our stupidness and I was so embarrassed about it and was contemplating whether to tell when I got home. However, the moment D saw us all wrapped up and asked if we were cold, I could not find a suitable enough excuse and spilt everything out. He didn't make too much of a fuss and we were spared the embarrassment. Well, at least it gives us an added memory to this trip.

Costs for the entrance of Windsor Castle. Very expensive!

In the courtyard of Windsor castle

St. George's chapel

With nice view from the castle down into town

Europe trip - Day 3

On the third day, which is 2nd June, Tuesday, it is the day that I planned for us to go into London city itself. I have been there and done all the touristy stuff. That means I've seen Westminster, Big Ben, Parliament House, London Eye, London Bridge, Tower Bridge, Tower of London, etc, etc, etc. But because it was the first time that WJ is in London, I had to bring her to see all these 'must-see' and 'must-do'. If I were alone, I would probably not make the trip into the city and thus saving the train fare.

Anyway, we took the 9.50am train into London city. Our first stop is the Palace on Westminster. From the guidebook and D's recommendation, we thought that there will be a changing of horse guards parade at 11.30, so we headed there, intending to see the parade. When we arrive there, we read from one of the boards that there is only a changing of guards instead of a changing of horse guard parade. The changing of guards parade took place at 11am and it was a very, very short one. Although we were there during the changing, we didn't realise that that was the only parade for that day, so we missed it. But we managed to take pictures with the guards and horses that were on duty there.

One of the horse and it's guard.

With one of the guards on duty

The palace where we saw the horse guards

After taking the necessary pictures, since we were already in the area, we walked over to the River Thames and took pictures of the Parliament House and Big Ben, London Eye and the River Thames itself. It was fun to show WJ all these famous things though I think she's not that overly interested in them also.

London Eye

Me and WJ with Parliament House and Big Ben as background

When we were done with all the photo taking, we headed over to Leicester Square to check out ticket prices for musical shows. London's West End is so famous so watching a musical is a 'must-do'. There were many choices, all falling within the budget that we set. WJ was very mindful of what A, my host mum, told us the night before and so decided to watch 'The Lion King'. According to A, the show has very good performance and props, so much so that K and B enjoyed the show thoroughly when they went to watch it, so we decided to take the safe route and watch it as well. It was time for lunch after buying the tickets, so we decided to look for a place to eat. I wanted WJ to try the Fish and Chips of UK but I've never actually ate it in London itself, so I'm not sure where to go for good F&C. The restaurants around Leicester Square serves them but they're quite upscale restaurants that we really can't afford them. We walked around a little, at the same time looking at souvenirs and after asking the owner of a souvenir shop, we headed down an alley and found a restaurant offering a 2-course meal for a reasonable price. It was not bad and a good deal, so we took the chance to have a good sit-down meal and also to rest our weary selves.

After that, we had intended to go for 'The London Experience' offered on the guidebook. It was supposed to be a tour where we were taken on London Bridge and to the London Dungeon where they claimed to be the 'scariest attraction' in London. When we got to the place where we had to get tickets for this, there were people dressed in their characters and the first person gave me a bad feeling and WJ didn't care for it either. So, we changed out minds and decided to head down to the Tower of London instead, although I did that before. I was very reluctant to pay to go in again but there was this 2-for-1 deal that comes with our train tickets so it makes it a little more affordable.

The walk from London Bridge station to the Tower of London brings us across the Tower Bridge and is some walking distance. It was the first time that I'm on Tower bridge itself, so it was quite cool but the walk really tires us out. Before we went to buy tickets for the Tower of London, we stopped to have a drink (the weather was surprisingly hot and sunny that day - not typical London weather) and have a look-see at the gift shop. By the time we went to buy the tickets, it was 3.40pm. I realised that the Tower (which is actually a castle) closed at 5pm and that the last tour given by the Yeoman guards was at 3.20pm, which we already missed. The Yeoman guards tell very good stories about the past of the castle, what happened in there and some sordid tales, so touring the Tower without the tour given by the guards really makes it very much less interesting, so we decided to not go into the Tower.

Tower Bridge

Tower of London

Since we have some time before the theatre show starts and before we need to have our dinner, I decided to bring WJ to Oxford Street to see the 'Orchard Road' of London. It was not as I remember it plus we had a long walk that day, so both of us were quite tired and not interested in shopping. We decided to have an early dinner and to give both of us plenty of time to enjoy our dinner, instead of rushing in the end. We consulted the guidebook that offers 2-for-1 meal deals and decided to go to one that doesn't look expensive and is near the theatre that we were going to watch the musical. It was a fantastic restaurant, with good food and great service. It was a nice meal and to end off the evening, 'The Lion King' is a very good show to watch. The opening was great and engaging. It kept the children (and adults alike) in the theatre occupied most of the time. We got back to my host family's place near to midnight.

WJ and her meal

Me and my meal

Lyceum Theatre, where 'The Lion King' is staged

Europe trip - Day 2

WJ and I slept for nearly 12 hrs for the first night in London. The next day, we actually didn't plan for any programs as I thought of spending some time with host family, namely the girls, and also to get over any jet lag we may have.

We had a big breakfast that D made in the morning. It was kind of awkward in the kitchen as I know my way around the kitchen but at the same time, I'm no longer living with them, so I didn't want to appear to be too imposing by just opening cupboards and rummaging for food in the fridge. D asked if we would like to have omelette since he's clearing up things in the kitchen, so we agreed. It was kind of embarrassing that we just sat and waited around for him to make our breakfast and serve us.

Anyway, after breakfast, I brought WJ to walk around the town of Beaconsfield, just to see what shops there are. We also want to check out how far it is to walk to the bus-stop that we have to go to when we want to take the bus to Heathrow airport as we're taking the bus ourselves to the airport on Sat. It was just window shopping and to see what things there are to buy in the local clothes store, shoes store, etc. It was also to see the way of life of suburb London.

WJ took a nap in the afternoon and while I was feeling tired too, I couldn't sleep in the afternoon. When the girls came home from school, I went to talk to them a little. They had a short rest and had to go to church for their bible class. The girls requested that I bring them to church, which is only a 5 mins walk away, so I agreed. After that, I went to bring them home again an hour later. A came home earlier for us and we had dinner. D knew that I love the baked salmon he made so he prepared it especially for me, together with his home-made mash potatoes. It's true that I like the baked salmon he made. In fact, I think it's the only salmon that I will eat as I don't eat raw salmon and normally won't order fish when eating outside. WJ was very impressed with the mash potatoes D made. She thought it's made from the powder kind and was very surprised when I told her D made it from scratch with real potatoes as the mash potatoes are very smooth. So, she now knows how good D is in cooking. Haha!

We didn't go anywhere for this second day, so there's no pictures taken. I will show some pictures of the house of my host family in London.

View of front of the house from third level guest room

View of the back of the house. The swings, slides and play-house came with the rented house

Guest room WJ stayed in

Guest room I stayed in

Europe trip - Day 1

Ok, I've been procrastinating for a week now to do my photos for the Europe trip. I shall try from today to sort the photos out and also blog about the trip so I can remember about it in future. In order that I don't a very, very long post (it's a two weeks trip), I'm going to blog about it day by day, so check out my blog till I'm done with all two weeks of it. However, I may not be updating it everyday. Too many pictures to sort out, from my camera, as well as WJ's, so it's double the time. Be patient with me.

I'll start with day one of our trip. We flew off on 31st May (Sunday) morning and reached London at 3.30pm (UK time). A brought K and C to the airport to fetch us. D and B were at a birthday party of B's friend. It was wonderful to see my host family after so long. K was not shy with me at all. She recognised me immediately at the airport and ran to hug me. C was very shy but curious too.

We took a bit of a longer time to get back to the house as A said there was a traffic jam on the expressway that we're supposed to take to get back so we have to go by another way. However, she's not very good with directions and in the end the trip back home became a road trip to see a little of London's suburbs.

When we got to the house, B came to the front door to meet us. She recognised me (thanks to Skype) but was a little hesitant to run to me. She came eventually and I was so happy and surprised by how much she has grown! Later, when I asked her, I realised that B doesn't really remember much about what we did in Fairfield, USA when I was with the family. She was too young then, I guess. K was still able to remember me and some of the neighbours and friends she had there.

After a dinner of BBQ chicken that D cooked, they gave me a surprise birthday celebration. Actually, I knew that they're going to celebrate for me because they told me on my actual birthday. D made a cake for me and the children were very excited to get to eat cake for desserts.

My birthday cake made by D. My favourite chocolate flavour!

Presents! For me! And cards made by K and B.

Me with the three children. B and C are holding my presents.

B, me and K

Dutch - the best doggy in the world

Nerves and excitment

It's another two days before I get on the flight to London. I don't know why, but this past week I had been in such excitement and was very nervous. Even when I sleep, I was also thinking about what would happen when I meet my host family in London, when I see A in Germany and when I meet V in Switzerland. People would think that I've never travelled or never been to London. I guess the reason is because this is the first time I travelled to meet friends. In the past, it has always been travelling just to travel, for enjoyment, for leisure. Now, I'm going to meet friends in each of the countries that I'm going to. This is especially true for meeting my host family.

As I've said before, I want to see my host family again but at the same time, I fear seeing them. I want to see them because I miss them so much, especially K and B. Also, I've not met the new addition to the family, C, so I want to meet him and shower my affections on him just as I did to K and B. However, it has been a few years since I left the family and I fear that the girls would not be as affectionate and close to me as before. Of course, I did prepare myself and tell myself not to expect too much. There's bound to be changes and differences and it's something that's inevitable, so I have to accept it. My memories has always been at the stage of when I was with the family in USA. The girls, being so young, forget easily, so they would not remember much about the times with me, so I really can't expect them to be as close to me as before. My host parents are also so cool people that I think that while they're hospitable and happy to see me, I'm still an outsider and can never be treated the same as with their family members. Well, I expect that I'll be very emotional to meet them at the airport but they'll be very cool about it, so in the end, I will also pretend to be cool about the whole thing too. You know, I've not been so excited about meeting people ever in my life. Not even when, five years ago, I decided to go to the USA to be an au pair all alone. I wasn't scared or nervous then. I guess that's because I went with an open mind, not ecpecting anything. When there's no expectations, there's no disappointment. Now, I already know the family and I know what I could have, so there's expectations, so I fear the disappointment of what would not be.

This is also the first time that I'm planning a whole two weeks' of vacation all by myself. WJ has not been too much help as she's easy-going and she's not been to Europe at all before. Anywhere I go or bring her, she's fine with it. But Europe is such a big place and everywhere is nice to go, so I have some trouble planning for it. The last time I went backpacking in Europe, I was riding on the coat-tails of R and Y, who planned everything; where to stay, where to eat, where to go. This time, I'm entrusted with this task and my fear is that WJ may not like what I like. I only hope that she'll enjoy herself.

Well the time to board the plane is near (Sunday!) and I hope this trip will be fun and uneventful, that everything will go well. The other day, I was thinking that I'm so full of anticipation for this trip, when I come back from the trip, I'll be in depression as I'll have nothing to look forward to. The expenses for this trip is also staggering and much more than what I planned for at first so I have to think of ways to earn it back. My stand to pursue my ideals may be a losing cause and I've been toying with the idea of giving up and just go look for a job, a boring office job, all for the sake of money. I gave up all these before as I don't see the satisfaction of working for others, at a job that only makes the rich, richer while I slog so much just for that monthly pay. But reality is closing in and the financial situation may be something that forces me to give up all these ideals and join the rat race. When I start doing that, people would stop looking at me as a loser and I would probably be able to walk with my heads up again.

感动

因为‘流星花园’我感动得接受一个错的人。今天，因为韩版的‘流星花园’我再一次被感动。但是，我身边连一个错的人也没有。

无奈


原以为心已死，但我发现，我还是渴望和相信爱情的。

期待

Post birthday celebrations and thoughts

I wanted to blog about the happenings these few days because I'll be flying to London next Sunday (yay!) and I'm not sure I would find another time to blog till I come back from the trip.

So, I celebrated my birthday on Wed with the girls. WM couldn't make it as she was busy with work. Sometimes I feel that she's so absorbed in earning money and relationships that she takes us friends for granted. Many a times, when we did meet up, it's always to accommodate her timings and schedules. For goodness sakes, she can't even remember when my exact birthday was! So much for being friends for 17 years. Was kinda disappointed that she didn't turn up but what to do. Anyway, I decided to have dinner at Chomp-chomp. Had been a long time since I ate there and I miss eating all these hawker fares. Also, I need to save up for the Europe trip, so I choose not to eat at restaurants. It was a quick dinner affair. YJ was rushing to go home to finish up some work too. WJ and I walked and waited around Serangoon Gardens, in hope that WM would be able to meet up for a bit after she finished with her client but alas, she still couldn't make it.

On Friday, I met up with K. She's a senior from my JC days. I can't say that we're very close but we do try to meet up once or twice every year for both our birthdays. Actually, we played a trick during our JC days on those friends who knew us. We pretended to be sisters. Even those friends of hers who knew her were taken in by us. So, till now we sort of maintained a relationship of 'sisters'. Well, I was the one who thought of her as an older sister. I wasn't sure if she still wanted me as a younger sister. So on Friday, while we were having dinner, she told her friend on the phone that she was having dinner with her god-sister, I was very happy. In fact, I was so happy by this comment that I kept replaying in the whole night. It really nice to maintain a long friendship and it's not easy to maintain a friendship with someone like me as I tend to be on the quiet side. However, I think Friday's dinner went well as we managed to update each other on the happenings of the past year and also a little on relationships. This friendship/sister-ship is something that I treasure very, very much and I'm so glad that K also is willing to maintain this relationship.

Next, comes to today, Sunday. I was very busy. After worship, there's a tuition ministry meeting. It also happens to be the farewell luncheon for our conductor. He has been posted to work at another church and so will end the one-year internship with our choir. Me, being the choir chairman, definitely has to be present at such an occasion, although I would like very much to have lunch with my fellowship members. Hence, I took off halfway after the tuition meeting and went for the farewell party. It happens that the cafe we went to was overwhelmed by our presence and took a long time to get ready the lunch orders. Since I'm the youngest member in the choir, I was feeling a little bored and left out. So, when J smsed me to ask me for lunch, I immediately agreed. So, I had to leave the choir's farewell party, amidst a chorus of nagging and teasing. But was I so glad to be with people whom I feel very comfortable with and happy. My fellowship's people are those that I can talk with and because they have children and babies, I feel very happy to be with them too.

One of the brothers, a father of two, kept asking me how I learned to carry babies and whether I learned it before. They even teased that I must had given birth to a child before to be so good with babies/children. I'm also not sure why I'm so good with babies. I guess it's because I really like them. Since young, I've always liked babies. When I see babies, I would look at them with longing and would play with them. I always asked my parents to give birth to a younger sibling so I can 'play' with him/her but well, my parents decided to stop at three. When I was ten, my aunties started forming their own families and I had younger cousins to 'play' with. I guess all my babysitting skills came from there. I was observant and learned a lot from just watching. Believe it or not, prior to going to USA, I've never had a real chance to change diapers. I only had seen it countless of times and know the theory of it. But when it came to the first time to change diapers for Brigid in USA, I had no problem as I went through the same motions lots of times in my head. That's how I work. I go through things in my head and try to improve it and see what's feasible or not. As to carrying babies, I guess it's just like driving. I face it heads-on. I know that I like carrying babies and in order to get the chance to carry them, I have to be good at it, so as to gain the trust of the parents. If I'm bad at it, I would not get a second chance, so I have to make sure that I am good. Hence, it all comes down to confidence. But don't get fooled by me. Sometimes I do get panicky and don't know what to do in my heart but I don't show it on my face. It's the same when I'm driving. I do get scared by some situations but I appear calm and nonchalant on the surface, so many thinks that I'm very confident and skilled in driving.

Well, it's quite a long post. I have another birthday dinner tomorrow night but it may not be something to blog about. We'll see. If not, the next post would be on my Europe trip. Stay tuned!

The big three-O club

I'm officially into my 30s! Actually I did nothing special on my birthday today but just wanted to blog it down for memory's sake. I was very happy to receive all the sms wishes. After so many years, I sort of know who are the ones who's going to wish me who will not remember at all. I'm especially happy to receive the sms wishes of those friends whom I've known for a long time (more than ten years). To be able to keep in touch with them for such a long time is something I treasure and the friendship is even more important than my birthday.

I had wanted to wake up early today and go out to do things or eat things that I enjoy as a treat to myself. But I played MH on Facebook till 5am the night before and thus wasn't able to wake up till 2pm. I decided to just go AMK hub and watch a movie by myself to celebrate. I also had to take passport photo of myself so I can renew my IC. This IC thing is causing me so much trouble. I had only these two weeks to get it done and collect it before I leave for my two weeks of Europe trip but they only gave us a month's notice. So many things to get done before my trip, so everything was rushed.

Anyway, I watched 'Angels and Demons' by Tom Hanks, based on the book by Dan Brown. I've read both the Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons while in USA as my host dad had the books. I thoroughly enjoyed both books. However, I was very disappointed by the movie version of 'The Da Vinci Code' as I feel that it doesn't show the thinking process and details that are felt from the book. This time, the movie version of 'Angels and Demons' did not fail me. It was very good! As I read the book a few years ago, the story was a little vague to me but as I watched the movie, the story came back to me and I know what's going to happen next and who the bad guy is. Despite that, I was practically sitting on the edge of my seat throughout the whole movie as it really was very exciting. The director was able to convey the suspense well this time. Also, as I myself have been to Rome and the Vatican City, where the book/movie was set, it was nice to see all the places that I've been to. The places are so familiar and it's always fun to know what the whole movie was about. But I really wonder whether the scenes of the Vatican City are real or a movie set. Should be a set lah, can't be the Pope allows Hollywood to shoot movies at Vatican City, right?

Ok, that's how I spent my thirtieth birthday all by myself. Looking forward to London in one and a half weeks' time. I already miss my host family very, very much and really can't wait! Woohoo!

Updates, happenings

Has been a long time since I blogged. I've been so addicted to playing with Mousehunt on Facebook that I don't really want to do anything else. There's so many games on fb, actually that I can't stop. Blogging needs time. I need time to think and plan what I want to write, so the fifteen minutes in between sounding the horn in MH is not enough for me to think, so I just stopped blogging.

Anyway, I want to blog about my past happenings and thoughts. Not much, actually, given my current boring status. Last Tuesday had dinner with S and R and WJ. It had been a long time since we last met up and I did it individually with each of them, never together, so this gathering is much treasured. S and R are even crazy enough to blog about the dinner immediately after they got home that same night. Hats off to them! Well, it was a great time spent with old friends. One, it got me out of my house and force me to go out. Being a private tutor, I'm either at home or at students' homes. I seldom go out, so to go out sometimes means a lot to me. Two, it got all of us together to catch up. This is actually the first time that I organise a dinner with this group of friends that went smoothly, i.e, everyone are free on the same day, same time. Reason for organising this dinner? No reason. Just one day, I was tutoring my student and there's this strong urge to ask R out for a meal. Then while smsing, I thought we could also ask S out, so the dinner is on! It happened that the day that we're having the dinner, WJ asked me if I want to watch a movie and I told her I'm meeting S and R and asked her along.

The four of us had been friends for more than half of our lives. We were in the same class for all four years in secondary school and happened to like each other enough to keep in contact. We moved on to different paths in life after graduation and are at different jobs and different stages in our lives now but somehow, there's no awkwardness when we meet up. Conversations flow freely, smiles given readily and even hugs are aplenty. This is what I call real friendship.

Looking at the picture reminds me of how much I miss being with friends and just talking. I had just a session like that yesterday when we had fellowship program at EW and XL's house. It was a pretty informal potluck session, with everyone contributing a little food here and there. I like the part where we stayed back just to talk. It is strange that even though most of the conversations revolved around family, children, children's schooling, etc, I was not bored and was even able to contribute. The icing on the cake was being entertained by 3 months old MX. She's very cute and nice to hold. I like children. Young children. The younger they are, the more I like them. Hee...

On another note altogether, I'm preparing to go on the Europe trip at the end of the month. I've still not told my mum about it yet. I dread the outbreak it will bring. She seems to think that for every cent that I made, I should give it to her, instead of spending it on holidays, clothes, etc. It's not enough that I just give her a little allowance every month. Her thinking is, if I have enough to travel, why not give her more? I just think that I work, I made, I spend. Simple as that.

Anyway, my host mum emailed me yesterday that she will be making a stop in Singapore for her work next week. She said she will try to meet me if she has a free up in her work schedule as there's a lot of meetings and business meals to attend. I was quite excited on that. However, we're not too hung up on whether she can meet me or not, since I'll see her in London in a few weeks' time. I'm also not sure how to behave with her since I've not had dinner with just my host mum and me. We've always had the children as the buffer. I'm just hoping that maybe next time, the whole family can come to Singapore and I can introduce to the girls this place that I call home. They'll be really amused that people will and can speak Mandarin to them.

I know this is a very random post. But they're some thoughts that I want to note down for future reference! Till next time...

Hermit or loner?

Couple of weeks ago, I had dinner with a group of ex-colleagues. This was in honour of one of the colleague who's quitting the company and leaving Singapore to go back to her home country. It was a big gathering of eight. Not bad, considering half of us in the group had left that company.

Throughout the dinner, conservations swilled around the inevitable talking of the said company and the bosses (boss and boss's wife). What to do? The only thing common to all of us is because we all work or worked at the company at some point. This means that there are some still at the company and it being a small company, many things are known to the workers (meaning us).

Other than my character being quiet and shy sometimes, the reason why I was quiet during the dinner was that I really dislike gossiping or talking about others behind others' back. I do want to get updated on the happenings in the company ever since I left but at the same time, I do not really want to know why or when the boss and his wife quarrels. It's not because I dislike listening to a good gossip. I just dislike doing it with non-Christians. With non-Christians, comments can become malicious or misunderstood very easily. Some more, me being me, I sometimes talk without thinking (but no ill intents) and in the process people get the wrong ideas about me. So, most of the time I just listen without taking part in the conversations.

After that dinner, on the way home, I was thinking on how nice it was to be able to have colleagues who had become friends to go out and sit down for dinner with (gossiping aside). However, at the same time, the time spent during dinner, I can feel myself putting on the 'social' face and behaviour. I think why I like my job as a tutor now is because I like to work alone. Even when I did work in an office, I always appreciated the times when I was left alone to do things my own way. Yes, I did need guidance and I wanted people telling me what to do but after that, leave me alone to do it and I will do it at my own pace. I guess my character is such that I really like my 'me' time. I don't like to socialise much and I feel it a chore to always put on a false smile and pretend to be interested in what others are talking about in their lives. Maybe it's because I value my private life and seldom talk about myself, so listening to others exhort about theirs is such a tiring process.

I don't know. Am I unsociable or a recluse? Maybe that's why I'm still single. I always lose to those who knows how to 'sell' themselves while I leave it to 'whatever will happens, will happens'.

I am who I am

I read a book recently. It's a fiction book but written very well, in such a way that there's some sort of meaning in there. If you do not want to dwell on it too much, it's fine but me being me, I always reflect on what I read and imagine if I were the characters, what I would do.

In the book, there's 3 women who had met with some traumatic events in their life within the past year. They met a psychiatrist who brought them to live in another place. These 3 women, who are strangers to each other, found comfort in talking to each other their problems and at the same time found magic in this strange town. They were given a chance to go back into a time in their lives that they would like to do something, mainly the traumatic event, so that their lives would be changed for the rest of their lives.

After reading this book, I've been thinking that if I had a chance to go back into a time in my life to change something or do something differently, so that my life would not be what it is now, which point would that be? I really had been thinking hard about it. In various stages of my life, I chose and then changed my mind. Actually, my first twelve years of my life all happened in a blur. I can't really remember much of it, except in snatches of it here and there. Only when I got to secondary school, do I feel that I've started my life.

I did think of going back to secondary school but it was the happiest years of my life (happy and unhappy events) and I do not want to change anything then. I thought of going back to my JC days, maybe study harder for my 'A' levels so I could go to a local University and thus my whole life from then on would change. However, it's because of getting into my University that I met YY, and she brought me to my current church, so I do not want to change that. The thing I do not want to change the most was my 2 years spent in USA. Those are some of the best days of my life and I really, really treasure them. There may have been times that I wish I could do things differently while there, but they're not so importantly that they're life-altering, so do not warrant me going back to change them.

After thinking about it, I decided that all the decisions that I made in my life, brings me back to who I am now. Whether they are good or bad, right or wrong, they are made by me at that point when I thought it was the best decision. So, I've decided that given the chance to change something in my life, I would choose not to do anything. Yes, I may not have any accomplishments or achievements in life now but I chose it. The people that I met in various stages of my life are also based on the decisions I made at various points. So, I think I should be happy and stop procrastinating!

Carrot cake

I finally tried out the recipe for baking the carrot cake. The result is not bad at all. Probably that the frosting is too sweet for everyone's tastes but then I think that should be how cakes taste like. Anyway, other then posting up pictures of how the cake turns out, I want to blog about my baking process. It was an eventful day, even though it's my day of rest (don't even have to go choir tonight!) at home.

Well, since it's Friday, I woke up in time to watch 'Survivor', direct off satellite on tv. I had planned to bake the carrot cake today, so I got ready all the things that I need to use and wash them so they would be dry when I need to use them. Nearing the end of 'Survivor', a person from NEA came to check on the house for Aedes mosquitoes. Good thing nothing found or we would have been summoned. After the man left, I was hesitating whether to bake or not. The weather is so super hot that I have no mood to do anything. Just want to sit in front of the computer and do nothing. In the end, I thought since I got the things ready, I might as well do it, if not, I may not have time to do it and I really want to try out this recipe.

So, I have some ingredients that I need to buy from the shop, so I changed to go downstairs. he moment I reached the first level, and stepped out of the lift, it started to rain. I was going to risk it by running across to the next block (where the shop is) but found the rain to be a little heavy, so I decided to go back home to get an umbrella. I also remembered that I had clothes that I need to bring in from the rain! So, I went up again, brought in the clothes, brought along a bag to put my groceries (so can save the environment by not using plastic bags), took an umbrella and prepared to go down a second time. While waiting for the lift, I noticed that it's not raining anymore!!?? It's a passing shower. I left my umbrella by the door and went to get my things. I managed to get all the things I need except cream cheese. So, I had to walk two blocks to another shop to try my luck and I was very happy that I found it!

By the time I got home, I was pretty sweaty and tired, but getting the things made me all excited and I proceeded with my baking. All went well. I'm glad to report that it turned out exactly as I wanted. Ok, enough with all these talks. Pictures for you!

This was taken when the cake was fresh out of the oven. Looks very good! I didn't over bake it, surprisingly as I tend to do that, holding the view that, 'Overdone is better than underdone'. Ha!

The cake after it has cooled and I put frosting on. I was in a hurry to eat and see how it tastes like, so I cut it very quickly before remembering about taking pictures.

Close up of the inside of the cake. I also added walnuts into it as I've also liked the feeling of having things to bite when eating.

Comments from my family are that the frosting is a tad too sweet but the walnuts give the cake a nice flavour. I don't know why, but my mum says she can taste almonds! I didn't even put almond essence! Well, anyway, this project goes well! But it's so troublesome to make it. I'd rather stick to my Blueberry Crumble. Next time, I'll try cheesecake.

Battle with ants

I've always been a cleanliness freak. I like things to be clean, especially in my room. My home, being an old apartment, has the inevitable endless stream of ants, lizards and cockroaches roaming. I don't mind the lizards that much except they sometimes scare me by zipping by too fast. The cockroaches are the ones that get to me as they're extremely disgusting, dirty and plain annoying. In order to solve the cockroach problem, I've resorted to buying those traps they sell in supermarkets. However, this works only to an extent. I'm so glad that I have very brave brothers and father. They always will catch the cockroaches for me no matter how late the night is or when as they know my fear of them.

Next up are the ants. For fear of ants, I do not ever eat or drink in my room. Recently, however, I found that my toiletries cupboard has ants visiting. This puzzles me to no end as there's only toiletries in there. I mean, how sweet or delicious can toiletries be? At first I thought that they maybe fooled by the nice smell of shampoo I kept in there, or even by the fragrance emitted by the pads. But I found out that they are attracted to the razor/shaver I kept there. Again, why they're attracted to the shaver, I'm not sure. I've always believed that to get rid of ants, you have to find out the source that attracted them. By getting rid of the source, you don't have to kill them, they will just disappear by themselves. So, to prevent the ants from coming, I decided to keep my shaver in the cupboard, soaked in a glass of water. I thought that this would be the solution that ends the ants' visit. You can imagine my dismay in discovering that they're still there. Now they can't get to the shaver but it seems that the water that the shaver is kept in is sweet. They ended up staying by the water's edge and kept coming back. Though I don't understand what it is that makes the shaver sweet, I was very annoyed by the ants. I had to clean the shaver and the change the water in the cup daily.

One day, as I was cleaning the cup and changing the water, I decided to use dish washing detergent to try to get rid of the 'sweet' stuff (normally I just change water and rinse the cup without detergent). Then it hit me that maybe I can put a little detergent into the cup and fill it with water, thus making the water I soak the shaver in, to be soapy water. And voila! No more ants! I guess the smell of the detergent is not sweet for the ants and also they're not so stupid as to kill themselves by drinking soapy water. Haha!

I'm still patting myself on the back for winning this battle with the ants. I just feel so smart for thinking of such a solution! Hee....oh happy days....

Interesting way of delivering airline annoucements

My weekend

Ok, I know that it's already the middle of the week and a bit late to blog about the weekend just past. I have been quite busy with work since the school holidays are over and I need to catch up on my sleep.

Anyway, last Saturday, it happened that my tuition for the early afternoon was cancelled. I was pondering over how to make it for tuition and go to church in time for the combined fellowships team building. I think God presented the answer for me. Well, it was great fun! The games that the Bethel fellowship came up with allowed for lots of brains to be used (which I like) and for the various fellowship members to bond. Most important of all, it was very fun! There were five games in all. We had to go to different stations and complete the tasks within 30 minutes.

The first station was where we were asked to taste six different liquids and guess what they are. I may seem simple at first but some of the beverages had similar tastes that made for hard guessing. The next station was where we had to rack our brains to think of solutions using strings to pour a bucket of balls into another bucket in the middle of the 'sea'. We managed to do this in record time. I don't know if it's because the people in my group are very smart or we happened to get it right by trial and error. Even if it's trial and error, we got the right formula on the first trial! Haha! We took only 8 mins for the first try and 5 mins for the second time.

The third game was to look at photos of certain places in church and go to that place and collect chinese characters to form a bible verse. The photos are taken in such a way that you need to think a little and to guess where the places are. Some of the places are that normally you wouldn't pass by or to take note of the small details. But we got in first for this category! Yay!

The fourth game was a memory game. We had to watch some commercials or pictures and memorise the details. This was pretty straight forward and easy as each group had 7-8 members in it. Each of us just had to take note of certain things and we got almost all the questions correct.

The last game was for all groups to come together and play. The organisers actually wanted to make it in such a way that we would compete against each other but we caught on to the strategy and worked together to finish the task. Overall, the purpose was to remind all that we're brothers and sisters in Christ and we should work together in doing God's works, even in the face of competition.

After the games, there was a BBQ session. It was also a time for fellowship. Most of the members in our fellowship did not attend this team building but I was able to talk to the younger fellowship.

On Sunday, it was worship as usual in the morning. After worship, there was tuition ministry meeting and after, choir practise for Easter. The songs we had to sing are quite hard and with so many to learn, this extra session was necessary.

When I got home, I had to get my laptop and go to the library with WJ to plan for our Europe trip. I can finally say that other than packing my bags, all plans are in place for the Europe trip! We booked our flights within Europe and accommodation in Switzerland. With all these logistics, almost $2k is gone! Although it's major damage to the bank account, I'm really looking forward to this trip. It's almost 3 years since I've seen the host family and I get to see Frankfurt and Switzerland. I'm glad that other than London, I get to go other places that I've not been to before. I dislike going to the same places twice actually. The world is too big and Europe is too expensive to revisit the same places so many times. In fact, if not for my host family, I wouldn't go London again. Not unless it's free! Haha!

Now, I'm at a dilemma. I wish for May to come soon, so I can go for this trip. But at the same time, May will be my birthday and it will be the big three-O! Oh no! Getting old! I don't even want to think about it. Let me pretend for another two months.

Photo blog

Another round of blog with photos, since I have nothing to blog about in my life. This time I decided to put up photos of famous monuments or places that I've been to. Hehe. Must show off a bit. All photos put up are taken by me! I didn't cut and paste from other places. Just to make it clear.

This is Brooklyn Bridge in New York. It connects Manhattan with Brooklyn. This was taken while on a cruise around Manhattan. In the summer, it's supposed to be very popular for walking on the bridge but I've not had the chance to do that. This is Kodak Theatre in Los Angeles, California. This is where the annual Academy (Oscars) Awards is held. We can't go inside the theatre itself, so lots of photo taking outside. On the pillars along the lobby are movies names that had won Best Picture over the many years. When the awards is held, they usually close off the roads in front and leading to this theatre.

This is Central Park in Manhattan, New York City. This is the view in summer time, when everyone would take the chance to picnic in the park. Because there's no beach within the city, people would also wear their beach wear (bikinis, etc) and sun-bathe at the park. It's very funny to see that because it just looks so silly that they're in swim wear but there's no water for them to swim in.

This is the famous Rockefeller Christmas tree. They put this up every Christmas until after the new year. You can see the tree in many movies if the setting in around Christmas, eg, Home Alone 2, etc. The people at the bottom of the tree should also let you know roughly how big the tree is. There's always a lot of people at Rockefeller Center around this period, from tourists and locals who are doing their Christmas shopping.

This is Capitol Building in Washington, DC. It's very majestic looking and anyone who gets to DC will think that this is the White House but it's actually not. The White House is actually a very normal looking building. The Capitol is where they have all those senate meetings, etc. When the Presidents take their oath of office, it was in front of this Capitol Building too.

This is the Golden Gate bridge in San Francisco, California. It was a bad day when I went, with fog covering the top part of the bridge. On a good day, one should be able to see the whole bridge. Although it was supposed to be summer, you can see that it's actually quite cold. That's San Francisco for you! Also, the Golden Gate bridge is not gold, it's red!

The very famous Statue of Liberty on Liberty Island, New York. Actually, from New York City itself, you can't see Miss Liberty very clearly. She is like a dot in the distance because the island is some distance away from the city. If you go to Liberty Island, you can't take very good picture also because she is too big. The trick is to take the whole statue when you passed by her on the ship to the island. I've seen her on twice when I went on cruises and only got on the island once to see Miss Liberty.

Follow me!

I got on Twitter recently. http://twitter.com/wintay You can follow me on it. It's actually a little like small blogs that I will update my feelings and events throughout the day if I'm online. We'll see how it goes. Just something new for me now. Maybe I won't last long there. Ha!

Busy but fulfilling day

Today I had appointments from noon all the way till night. I was quite tired because I stay up every night to play Mousehunt on Facebook. I say it's fulfilling because at least I'm doing productive things and I always feel happy whenever I do things that I like and it makes me busy, or at least look busy.

During noon, I went to CZ's place for her son's one-year old birthday party. CZ was my senior in Secondary school prefects and girl guides. After she graduated, we have not met up at all, but I send her birthday cards or wishes every year on her birthday. Thus, she always feels very touched by me. We actually lost touch some time back but she found me on Friendster while I was in USA. We have always promised to meet up when I came back to Singapore but never found the time to do so. Last year, when she gave birth, she invited me to her son's full month party but it happened to fall during the week that I was away in Japan. So this time, when she invited me again for the birthday, I had to go. Much as I love children, I have to say that my main purpose in going was to meet up with CZ, rather than to celebrate her son's birthday. Being single and unattached, there's always this situation that I have to attend some social functions alone. Take this time for example. I have not seen CZ for so long. We are bound to have some sort of distance. CZ tried her best to entertain me but she has other guests to attend to too. Also, the more she tried to make me feel at home, the more I feel bad. I did not feel very awkward, since I was there for a little more than an hour only. I just felt that if I'm to remain single, this would happen for the rest of my life. I have to get used to it, I guess

After the party, I left for my tuition. It was a back-to-back tuition session lasting three hours since I'm tutoring a pair of brothers of different levels. That was quite fine actually since I've decided not to flare up at the slightest mistakes. I've learnt to let it go and see them as children who needs my guidance. Instead of raising my voice at them and making them frightened, I should try to be gentle and help them remember their mistakes.

Then, I had to attend a meeting with the Character Building members to prepare for our next semester's programmes. Since I had an hour to spare between tuition and the meeting, I went to the library to look up information for Switzerland. Yishun had a new library and their travel guides are so much more extensive than the AMK branch. I've actually found quite a few books and intend to photocopy them just like what I did at AMK. However, I found that this Yishun branch does not have any photocopying machines! I was quite miffed by it. Left with no choice, I had to choose two books out of my many choices and borrow them home. It was so heavy to carry them home!

Anyway, the character building programme was easy to plan for, with MT's help. MT asked me today how old I am. She is quite new to church and was just beginning to know us. I just said I'm very old, much older than her (she's 17, btw). Well, she said I do not look like I'm old. She said I look more like her and her friends' age. Haha! This means that I look like a teenager. Actually, I'm not sure if MT said this out of compliments or out of insult, because I've realised that she is mature for her age. If she thinks that I do not behave like my age, does she think that I'm childish or immature? Hmm....maybe I shouldn't read too much into it. When someone says something nice, accept it graciously. Ha!

Wish I can use my brain

I know I have not been writing much. I hate this. Actually I go online almost everyday and everytime I wish to blog. The only problem is I don't have anything to blog about. Usually if I don't have interesting events happening in my life to blog about, I will have some thoughts to share. My lack of topics to blog about means that I've not been thinking or using my brain! *gasps* I have been so addicted to facebook recently that the only thing I wanted to go online is to go Mousehunt and catch mice. Of course, since I've already booked tickets for London, I've been doing a little of research online too. Looking for places to stay and go in Switzerland. Now that I realised that Switzerland is quite an expensive place. It didn't go with the rest of Europe in converting to Euro and while it's currency rate is not sky high, it's standard of living is still high enough for me. I've been trying to look for cheap or affordable hostel online but I guess those really cheap ones do not have websites. Maybe I should look harder.

Ok, I'm rambling now. I hate that I do not have a fixed blogging pattern. When I read others' blogs, they are able to present their thoughts into such nice and interesting reads. I wish I can do that too, but when I start blogging, I just sort of write whatever comes to mind without any pattern. This makes it very confusing to read and seems that my blog has no point to it. I hope I can blog more. Should use my brain more often.

Vacation planning!

The recent economy downturn has made air tickets more affordable. I have been saving up and wanting to visit my host family in London and finally I'm going! Yes! I'm so happy! There's a promotion going on with SIA and the tickets are really quite reduced from the original prices. However, the stipulation is that it's a two-to-go offer, so I had to ask around to get someone to go with me. Actually, I didn't have that much difficulty looking for someone. The other day, the best friends and I met up for a meal and I just sort of asked WJ casually if she wants to go. I was surprised that she gave a positive reply to me immediately. So, when I got back, I went into serious thinking and planning and find that I should really go!

This is a good time to go not only because of the low cost of air tickets, but also my host family maybe moving back to the States. If they go back, flying to USA would be more expensive than flying to Europe. Also, I have friends in other parts of Europe and this trip to London would be also to meet my friends. So, if my host family move back to USA, it would be a long time before I go to Europe again.

So, today WJ and I made some initial plans and we're confirmed going. We're going to be there for two weeks as WJ says it makes sense to stay longer since we've already flown all the way there. Other than visiting my host family in London, we're going to Germany so I can visit a friend of mine who's German. We were au pairs together in USA and our children used to have playdates together. I really miss her and it's great that we get to catch up in her hometown. After Germany, we're going to go to Switzerland. I have a friend there too, although it's not confirmed that we're meeting up. I met this friend while on tour to Scotland. She's a very sweet girl, very young but mature. We've been keeping in touch. I'm not really that close to this friend but I'm hoping that we can meet up.

Well, there's a bad side to taking this Europe trip. I have to give up going to church camp. It's not really a matter of clash of timings and affordability. Most of the fellowship people are going and I really hate to miss all these memories with them. All the children there for me to play with! But again, I'm giving them up for my little girls, K and B. Although I can afford to go, I don't want to spend all my money and end up being left with nothing for a rainy day. Sigh...you can't always have the best of both worlds.

Pictures to share

I'm going to share some pictures that I have accumulated in the recent 5-6 years. I really love those that I took in USA, especially all and any of those with Kara and Brigid, but I'm going to limit those pictures as I want to respect my host parents. Maybe they do not want the girls' pictures to be floating around. It's going to be very random pictures but I'll try to explain them as I go along.

This is a sunset that I saw in Scotland. It's the same sunset that I posted at the top of this blog. All of us in the tour group were busy snapping shots of this. Having grown up in a city all my life, this is something very awesome and even till now, I still remember the whole sunset process. We waited till it dark before going off.

This is taken in Alaska. I love how the cloud seems like it's on level with me. The mountain in comparison seems to be much shorter. The view of Alaska is indeed nice but it's not all cold and snowy all year round. I went in the summer and this is how it looks like.

This is a real shot that I took while on a trip in California. Looks like a postcard, right? Actually I was sleeping for most of the time when on the road. I very rarely took pictures or even admire the views. This is a common view of the deserts along expressways when going from one city to another in California.

Yes, I took this picture too! The colour combination is fantastic! This is taken on a tour of 1000 Islands, Ontario, Canada. This is one of the island. Imagine, you can buy one of these island and tell people you own and island! In winter, the people use snow mobiles to get oout of the island to the main land or from island to island.

A picture of me with Kara and Brigid and the snowman we made beside the house in USA. This is not the first snowman I made, so I looked very well. I still miss snow and winter, especially when I'm baking walking on Singapore's streets!

Red Cliff 2, Look for a Star

Few weeks ago I went to watch Red Cliff 2. Had been wanting to watch it as I watched the first part last year. I like the show very much not only for the actors, but also for the message behind the show. The sceneries in the show are also very enchanting. I have to admit that I'm not one who knows my Chinese history well. I always turn to my oldest brother who has read or knows everything about Chinese history. Although I have not much knowledge or interest in studying Chinese history, I do like to read books or watch shows that show them. Actually, not only Chinese history. When I was younger, my father brought back a book about war fighting. There's a lot of scenarios in the book depicting the strategies to use when fighting a war, the feelings of the author and people around. Same as when I was watching Red Cliff, the thought I had throughout the show was very clear - in a war, no matter whether you lose or win in the end, it's always a lose-lose situation. There is never a win-win situation for anyone when in a war. Much to my surprise and approval, the last words spoken by Tony Leung at the end of the fighting also says pretty much the same thing, 'There's no winner here'. Whenever I watch such shows, I always want to cry. Cry for the poor soldiers who die for the ambitions of whoever they serve. So painful to die by having a sword go through your body or your neck. Bullets are better, I think.

I went to watch 'Look for a Star' yesterday. Of course, it's a must watch because it starred Andy Lau. I'm a hopeless romantic and watching this show, again makes me dream. During the show, I have this revelation that probably because of my thirst for romance, when I can't find it in real life, I can't be satisfied. That is why I'm still single now. I have this sort of idealistic and romantic idea of how a relationship should be like and when I don't find in in real life, I get disappointed and hence, all the guys I'm with are not 'The One'.

I want someone who looks at me and only sees me. I want someone who holds me dearly in their hands. I want someone who loves me second only to God. (Yes, even parents are not excuses. That's the true meaning of two becomes one.) I want someone who is willing to give up everything just for me. (Don't have to really give up, just be WILLING to give up. The key word is willing to and meaning it.) Guess I read too many romance novels. Keep dreaming...