My thoughts
Recently have started dreaming strange dreams. Not that they’re unpleasant or what. I’m just starting to feel sometimes that maybe I have deep feelings for certain things that I keep very deep within me. Even I don’t really recognise or know that these feelings exists.
The other day, I dreamt of my council friends in JC. Can’t really remember what we were doing, but I know that we were fooling around and having fun, just like what we did in reality during council life in JC. When I woke up, I started to miss JC council days a lot and the friends that I saw in my dream - Huimin(Aw), Imelda, Beng, Jason, Yanjuan, Candy, etc. Don’t ask me why particularly these people. Just happened to be them, but the others are at the background, I know. I guess as one grows up, memories are what keeps you looking forward to your life. To create more memories in order to live on. A lot of people say, what happened in the past are in the past, move on! I’m a very sentimental person. It’s harder for me to let go.
As I sat in the play park the other day watching the girls play, I kinda let my mind wonder. It was a beautiful summer day(although the sun gets a little too hot). The girls are content to play by themselves. I realised that as I look back upon all my past relationships, I don’t really feel much sadness by them anymore. I think I’m starting to close up my heart. Having been through some relationships and a few serious ones, with no good endings, I realise that maybe I may not be able to find THE ONE for me. I know, I know, I’m too young to say that. After all, I’m just 26! Well, I still believe in love, very much, just not love for myself. God doesn’t promise that each one of us will find a partner, so maybe I may not have one. When I first came here to the states, I was very anxious and looking forward to going home. There was one guy I thought I could bring the relationship to another level. Coming here changed everything. As time goes by, I guess the distance between us grew to be a problem and he stopped calling and emailing, etc. I was very sad at first but now, I realised that I do still think of him from time to time, but it no longer causes me any sadness or heartache. I no longer am so optimistic about relationships. If God wills it, it’ll happen.
Dear Winnie, life really is quite complicated when we deem it to be. Seems like we are going through the same sentiments..
keep in touch
