Hermit or loner?

Couple of weeks ago, I had dinner with a group of ex-colleagues. This was in honour of one of the colleague who's quitting the company and leaving Singapore to go back to her home country. It was a big gathering of eight. Not bad, considering half of us in the group had left that company.

Throughout the dinner, conservations swilled around the inevitable talking of the said company and the bosses (boss and boss's wife). What to do? The only thing common to all of us is because we all work or worked at the company at some point. This means that there are some still at the company and it being a small company, many things are known to the workers (meaning us).

Other than my character being quiet and shy sometimes, the reason why I was quiet during the dinner was that I really dislike gossiping or talking about others behind others' back. I do want to get updated on the happenings in the company ever since I left but at the same time, I do not really want to know why or when the boss and his wife quarrels. It's not because I dislike listening to a good gossip. I just dislike doing it with non-Christians. With non-Christians, comments can become malicious or misunderstood very easily. Some more, me being me, I sometimes talk without thinking (but no ill intents) and in the process people get the wrong ideas about me. So, most of the time I just listen without taking part in the conversations.

After that dinner, on the way home, I was thinking on how nice it was to be able to have colleagues who had become friends to go out and sit down for dinner with (gossiping aside). However, at the same time, the time spent during dinner, I can feel myself putting on the 'social' face and behaviour. I think why I like my job as a tutor now is because I like to work alone. Even when I did work in an office, I always appreciated the times when I was left alone to do things my own way. Yes, I did need guidance and I wanted people telling me what to do but after that, leave me alone to do it and I will do it at my own pace. I guess my character is such that I really like my 'me' time. I don't like to socialise much and I feel it a chore to always put on a false smile and pretend to be interested in what others are talking about in their lives. Maybe it's because I value my private life and seldom talk about myself, so listening to others exhort about theirs is such a tiring process.

I don't know. Am I unsociable or a recluse? Maybe that's why I'm still single. I always lose to those who knows how to 'sell' themselves while I leave it to 'whatever will happens, will happens'.