Right or worng?

I’m beginning my 2nd year here with my host family in USA. Don’t really know if I’ve made the right decision to stay on. Sometimes when I meet with any problems, my only solution is to bail out. Life can’t be happy all the time, I guess. Whenever I work at a company for too long, the mistakes that I’ve made will start to appear and I can only think of getting out of the job quickly. Maybe that’s why I don’t stay at a job for long. This is happening now with my job as an au pair here. Sometimes I just feel like I’m too familiar with the family and that I may be taking things for granted just a bit.

Well, overall, I think I should thank the Lord for my ‘good life’ here. I always hear complains from the other au pairs about their host family and frankly, most of my problems are due to myself and not my host family. I really have no complains towards them. What more can a girl who’s all alone and in a foreign land ask for, right?

Recently I’m starting to feel bored and restless here. I get news from back home in S’pore that someone is getting married or someone is giving birth or going to give birth(again!). Makes me think. The au pair girls here are only concerned with going to parties, clubbing, drinking or dancing. Of course, they’re only 20-24 years old and mostly from European countries. I’m way much older than them, from an Asian country and I think differently(if not conservatively). Why am I wasting my time here? True that I’ve experienced something that is truly unique and special, but where does it all leads me? I’m not regretting my decision, mind you. I NEVER regret the decisions I made. Just that it’s kind of challenging my faith in God. I pray everyday for strength to believe that God has His plans for me and that I just have to trust in Him. It’s hard to do that when you’re alone.

Friends back home have stopped or slowed down their efforts to keep in contact with me. I always have to make the 1st move. It’s getting tiring. But after all, isn’t that the way to keep friendships alive? Somebody always has to make the 1st move or to keep moving. Just don’t know why the somebody has to be me. It takes 2 to clap and I’m running out of things to say other than ‘Hi, how are you getting on..etc, etc’. Life is sooooo hard sometimes and I’m getting more lonely and depressed….




Kid
October 25, 2005 at 6:23 pm

Hey, you are not alone on this. I have lost contact with many friends too and its really up to me to take the initiative to rekindle the past, close friendship. we really cant blame anyone coz each of us develop our own social circle. and unless, we consistently meet up or update each other, if not, maintaining the friendship will really be plain superficial. very shallow! I see everyone climbing up high on the career ladder and then i think, what the hell am i still doing?? so stagnant? then i console myself that my time to peak has yet to come..somehow, sometime, i will reap. just that right now, its an aimless life..living each day as it comes and just plain surviving.