Wednesday 27 August 2008

Welcome party for Team Singapore

On Monday, I followed Dezhong and his students to go to the welcome party for Team Singapore. Actually I didn’t want to go as I know it will be very crowded and just lazy and tired to go all the way there. However, to my surprise, I had a very good time and enjoyed the interaction with the students.

We went to Clark Quay first to wait for the athletics passing by on Hippo buses. We waited for an hour just to see them for less them 5 mins. What a big waste of time. Main duty there was to wave and cheer for the athletics when they passed. A big boost of their egos, I guess.




The students at the bus stop waiting for the athletics to pass by.






The officials from Team Singapore also at Clark Quay


to cheer for the team.
Can you see Li Jia Wei, Feng Tian Wei and Wang Yue Gu?

After cheering at Clark Quay, we proceeded to Raffles City for the final party. It was a bonus to all of us to see JJ Lin performing there.

Team Singapore and the golden girls

Saturday 23 August 2008

When would it be my turn?

Last Tuesday there was a fellowship committee meeting at ZC & Z’s house. During the meeting, we always get distracted by our topics and got to talk about our life in general or some sharing. Z was talking about her newborn baby and the difficulties and helplessness of her in caring for the baby. She was saying that she doesn’t even dare to go for spa massage because she’s afraid that she might be dripping milk from her breasts. Haha! She also shared on her difficult first month with the baby, especially at night, to the point that her mum was worried that she might get post-natal depression.

As I was listening to Z talk about her difficulties, along with sympathies and concern for her, I also felt a very distinct feeling of envy. Now, although I have vast experience with babies and children, it is different from child-birth. Having never experienced it, I can never understand the pains and problems that comes from the whole issue, from pregnancy to labour. Z was saying that other mothers in the fellowship has been giving her advice along the way which she’s very grateful and thankful for. I can’t give any advice because I’ve not experienced it. The advice I sometimes give to others are all that I read or heard from others. Even the advice I give on how to discipline and educate children or to handle children are sometimes not being listened to seriously because people think that I do not have my own children and therefore not competent enough to dole out advices.

Recently there’s a lot of talks and seminars from private organizations on childcare, how to handle or communicate with your children or education, things like that. In most of these seminars, they always invite celebrity parents to give talks on their child-rearing ways. I really don’t understand about that. Just because they are celebrities, just because they become parents now, suddenly they become very good with children or they become good parents. What bulls**t is that? Just because a person becomes a parent does not mean that the person is a walking encyclopedia on all things to do with children. If that’s true, why are there still bad parents around? Why are there still cases of child abuse?

Anyway, back to the first topic. Yes, as I was listening to Z talk about her dealings with her son, I keep thinking that at least she has these problems to deal with. I wish to have these problems but I don’t even have the chance. I was also thinking whether I would ever have the chance to experience the same difficulties, the same emotions, as Z. This brings me back to when I was 10. Young girls at 10 will always have a talk in school by the nurses on their upcoming changes in their body, i.e period or menstruation. I was so hyped up by the nurses and very fascinated by the use and function of the sanitary pads that I still remember I told my mum that I can’t wait for my periods to arrive so I can use those pads. My mum said that I was crazy. I was indeed crazy! Oh, the menstrual pains and troublesome changing of pads! Well, at least I know that my menstrual will come eventually, but will I eventually get to be a wife and a mum? That is something that is only a probability and not an eventuality.

When would it be my turn?

Thursday 21 August 2008

Hard work does not equal results

I love to watch the gymnastics event of the Olympics, especially the women’s event. The event just draw me. Though each routine takes only a few minutes or even seconds to finish, I know that they put in a lot of hard work into it, maybe even their whole life.

The other I was watching the Men’s Artistic Gymnastics - Individual Apparatus finals. It was the floor exercise. One of the competitor was a gymnast from Brazil, Diego Hypolito. The commentator said he’s a World Champion on floor exercise. During the whole routine, Diego was doing good. During the last tumble, he unexpectedly sat down. Normally, when an athletic did not do well in their event, they would mask their disappointments, sadness and emotions very well with a straight face. Sometimes the closest they showed something would be to give a shrug of the shoulders. This Diego, when he sat down, he gave a face of, "I can’t believe I did that" look. When he climbed up to leave the stage, his face slowly crumpled up and he was tearing. When he went to sit on the chairs, he was holding his face and head in his hands and shaking his head form time to time. During the rest of the competition, when others are doing the routine, I would see this Diego sitting there, with his face crumpled up, even crying a bit. He would even mumble to himself, maybe going through in his head what went wrong. He was so inconsolable.

Till now, I still can’t forget the look of despair and unbelief of this Diego. My heart goes all out to him for his mistake. Maybe in the end even if he did everything well in the routine, he won’t get a medal. But I believe to every athletic, doing his/her best is the best form of answer to their hard work. When you did something well, you have answered to yourself. The results rest on the judges and if they think you are not good enough, you accept it. However, when you made a mistake, there’s always the question in your mind of, "What if?" Maybe if I didn’t make the mistake, I would get a medal.

I really keep thinking of this Diego’s face. Really hope he can pick himself up again and see him in London Olympics in 2012.

Sunday 17 August 2008

Exercise

Just a quick post before I go watch the finals of the Women’s table tennis. I went for jogging at Bishan park just now(finally!) I would love to say that it was invigorating and feels good, but I don’t feel that, actually. I’ve stopped jogging for a little more than 2 years. Had been jogging regularly during my stay in USA as there was a treadmill in the house. My host mum would be someone who would wake up at 5.30am or 6am to jog before going to work at 7am. Inspired by her, I also picked up the habit of jogging. Of course, being a not morning person, I would NOT wake up so early to jog. I usually do it when both the girls are in school and I exercise after sending them to school in the morning. This would be usually 2-3 times a week. Since coming back to Singapore, the hot weather has been something that I’ve been adjusting to and I absolutely hate it that it’s so hot sometimes. Thus, always the same excuse to not exercise.

Anyway, when I started jogging just now, I felt the rust in my right knee, which has always been giving me problems. So I started slow. I had to jog a bit, walk a bit. This gives my body a chance to warm up and get used to the rhythm of jogging again. However, this also means that whenever my heart starts to pump hard, I would have to stop. It also kinda defeats the purpose of jogging in the first place! Seems like I never did any exercise at all. Towards the end of my run, I can feel my right leg cramping up, so I was walking a lot. I did about 22 sit up after the run. Can feel the stitch in my stomach now. Haha. Makes me feel that I did something good to my body.

I hope I can keep up this exercise routine. Hate the feeling of being so breathless and going to faint. Well, other than to lose weight, I hope to b more healthy too! Ok, time to watch Olympics. Till next time…!

Monday 11 August 2008

This is why I like Andy Lau



Andy's concert in Chengdu, China. The fan was whacked by security officers after giving flowers to Andy. Andy Lau jumped down to defend his fan despite the concert being ongoing. Andy rocks!

Sunday 3 August 2008

Motherhood

Yesterday I had a strange dream. Strange because I do not know whether it’s a good dream or a bad one. You know the feeling sometimes when you woke up and you know that you had a dream. It can leave you feeling happy because it was a sweet dream or it can leave you scary or unhappy because it was a bad one. Well, when I woke up, I still remember what my dream was but it was something that I can’t put to words and there’s a lot of mixed feelings that comes with it.

I put my title as ‘Motherhood’ because that’s what my dream was about. I dreamt that I had a baby! No, not the giving birth process and the pain and all that. Just that I had a baby. It was a boy. The baby was very young too, like around 2-3 months. Must be the after-effects of carrying ZC & Zer’s 1 month old baby. Anyway, in the dream, the baby is mine. No specifics about how the baby looks like. No, doesn’t look like baby Daniel because it’s my baby and the dream was very clear about that and so it very clearly showed me that the baby is not baby Daniel’s face.

Ok, this is embarrassing but in the dream, I get to breast feed my baby! Haha. I’ve always enjoyed carrying and taking care of babies and children. All the children I have played with and carried, I can efficiently attend to all their needs…except feed them. This is something which I’ve always regretted because I’ve always wondered about the feeling of breast feeding. Will you be able to feel the milk flowing out of you? Will it be painful? Will you be able to have milk coming our of your breast when you just sort of press your breast, things like that. So, in the dream, I get to experience it and it was great to be able to have my own baby!

Well, next thing to ask would be, ‘Who’s the father?’. In the dream, the baby doesn’t have a father. I just had a baby! Dreams are supposed to be weird and out of logic, so nothing wrong with that. There was a guy in the dream who is there for me and the baby but then I’m not going to say who he is. You can say it reflects my feelings for this guy but he’s someone who people knows and I prefer not to let all of you reading this blog to know. It’s too sensitive. Haha.

Anyway, back to the strange part of the dream. I was happy with having a baby to call my own in the dream. It’s also scary too. I don’t really know what to do with the baby. It wasn’t a long dream because I was woken up by the alarm but when I woke up, I had a sense of lost. I was like wondering where my baby is and why I seemed so free. I was also aching to hold my baby and breast feed him too! Yes, the breast feeding part was very vivid. It’s not a wet dream, ok!

Well, just want to blog this down so I can remember. I look forward to having a baby of my own. Some day. Some day….

Friday 1 August 2008

Suicide

Don’t worry. I’m not thinking about suicide. I guess after my last post, which is quite depressing and now my title is suicide will make some of you worry about me. No. Not talking about me here.

I just read yesterday’s papers and got to know that somewhere in AMK the day before, there was a young boy of fifteen who committed suicide by jumping off from a block of flat on the twelve storey. The boy came from a poor, single parent family. He was always seen at a coffeeshop nearby, begging for money. The accounts given by stall owners say that he’s a good boy who doesn’t bother customers and only talk or ask for money when talked to. Some customers and stall owners take pity on him by buying him drinks or food when they see him. However, the boy would be unable to eat thinking of his mother and siblings at home who have nothing to eat, so he would ask for money. The amount he asked for is also not much. Only $2! No one knows why the boy suddenly jumped to his death. A neighbour said on the fateful day, the boy seems sad and looked like he was chased out of his house.

This story reminded me of another story I read in You Jing’s book. It’s about a boy who is also from a single parent family. The mother had only this son and she’s very protective of him, so much so that she tends to question and restrict his every move. When the boy has done or said something that is deem unacceptable, the mum would question him or even go the extent of going to the boy’s school to get to the bottom of the matter. Naturally, this greatly embarrassed the boy and he’s out casted in school by his classmates. One day, the boy got into an accident and while the boy told the whole story truthfully to his mum, the mother found it too incredible and thinks that he’s lying to cover up something. So the mum decided to go to the boy’s school to find out what exactly happened (as the event involved a girl who attends the same school). The boy told the mum not to go out of fear that it may cost him his only friend in school and threatened that he will jump down from the flat if she went. The mum paid no heed to him and out of desperation, the boy just leaped out of the window and to his death.

Both of these stories made me very, very sad. I was feeling very ‘out’ after reading both stories. They’re both still boys, same age. They had not even the chance to experience what life has to offer and had to end their lives. True, they had a bad start by being born into a poor family but there will be a way out if they are able to keep to their dreams and work their way up. They both had ambitions and dreams too, I’m sure. What’s more, both are good boys, who respect elders and are filial.

Though I may rant and rave about my situation and lack of opportunities, I’m not desperate yet. When I read about these stories, it makes me think that there are so many people out there who are in more desperate situations than me. I really should stop complaining so much and count my blessings. At least I don’t have to beg and I don’t have to worry that much about money (at least for now, yet). Whenever I look towards my home’s wide open window, I think how easy it is to just leap out that window and to your death (I live on the 12th floor, by the way). Not that I’m thinking about jumping, but it’s just how easy it is to die. After you jump out, there’s no room for regrets, even if you do. There’s nothing else for you to hold on to, to stop you from reaching the concrete below. If you jump into the sea, at least you have a chance of survival if you swim hard enough, long enough. But jumping down into the air, there’s nothing.

Okay, I know I’m sounding morbid. Just feeling very, very sad for the boys and what could have been for them. Really. I’m very emotional and sentimental. Sad is not even the word to describe. Sad is too mild a word. sigh…