Just leave me alone

I had a look back on my past postings. It has been a long time ago since I was happy. Really happy. I think it's been about 2 years ago. When all was well and all was good. Recently, I realise that I forget how to be happy. I even forget how to be the person that I was. The person that was full of ideas and has believes. 

I used to believe that as long as I'm nice, as long as I treat others well, others will feel it. Now, I don't believe that anymore. Since young, I've been holding on to this belief. I try to be nice. Well, I do have selfish and immature thoughts. But I do try to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good employee, a good friend and a good person. At least I try my best. At what point do people think that it's good enough? No matter how much I try, I always fall short. I fall short of being the ideal daughter, the ideal sister, the ideal employee, the ideal friend, the ideal person. Is this the reason why I'm alone? Because I'm not good enough?  

In the show Grey's Anatomy, the main characters are each other's Person. I think I just want to be somebody's Person.

I gave my best. I opened myself up. Nobody knows as much about me. I do everything with my best to the point that all I live and breathe is this. In the end, I end up with nothing. I try again. I don't give up. But I still get tossed away. I'm still unable to break through. It's not that I'm looking for reciprocates. I guess, I just want someone to care, to really care for me and treat me as I treat the person. I'm unable to handle whatever relationships I have with people now. In fact, I don't really want to. I find myself pulling back. Being nice is not right. Giving my all is not right. Being loyal is not right too. What do I lack that others have? Why am I not good enough?  I really don't know how to behave myself in this thing called Society.