Suicide

Don’t worry. I’m not thinking about suicide. I guess after my last post, which is quite depressing and now my title is suicide will make some of you worry about me. No. Not talking about me here.

I just read yesterday’s papers and got to know that somewhere in AMK the day before, there was a young boy of fifteen who committed suicide by jumping off from a block of flat on the twelve storey. The boy came from a poor, single parent family. He was always seen at a coffeeshop nearby, begging for money. The accounts given by stall owners say that he’s a good boy who doesn’t bother customers and only talk or ask for money when talked to. Some customers and stall owners take pity on him by buying him drinks or food when they see him. However, the boy would be unable to eat thinking of his mother and siblings at home who have nothing to eat, so he would ask for money. The amount he asked for is also not much. Only $2! No one knows why the boy suddenly jumped to his death. A neighbour said on the fateful day, the boy seems sad and looked like he was chased out of his house.

This story reminded me of another story I read in You Jing’s book. It’s about a boy who is also from a single parent family. The mother had only this son and she’s very protective of him, so much so that she tends to question and restrict his every move. When the boy has done or said something that is deem unacceptable, the mum would question him or even go the extent of going to the boy’s school to get to the bottom of the matter. Naturally, this greatly embarrassed the boy and he’s out casted in school by his classmates. One day, the boy got into an accident and while the boy told the whole story truthfully to his mum, the mother found it too incredible and thinks that he’s lying to cover up something. So the mum decided to go to the boy’s school to find out what exactly happened (as the event involved a girl who attends the same school). The boy told the mum not to go out of fear that it may cost him his only friend in school and threatened that he will jump down from the flat if she went. The mum paid no heed to him and out of desperation, the boy just leaped out of the window and to his death.

Both of these stories made me very, very sad. I was feeling very ‘out’ after reading both stories. They’re both still boys, same age. They had not even the chance to experience what life has to offer and had to end their lives. True, they had a bad start by being born into a poor family but there will be a way out if they are able to keep to their dreams and work their way up. They both had ambitions and dreams too, I’m sure. What’s more, both are good boys, who respect elders and are filial.

Though I may rant and rave about my situation and lack of opportunities, I’m not desperate yet. When I read about these stories, it makes me think that there are so many people out there who are in more desperate situations than me. I really should stop complaining so much and count my blessings. At least I don’t have to beg and I don’t have to worry that much about money (at least for now, yet). Whenever I look towards my home’s wide open window, I think how easy it is to just leap out that window and to your death (I live on the 12th floor, by the way). Not that I’m thinking about jumping, but it’s just how easy it is to die. After you jump out, there’s no room for regrets, even if you do. There’s nothing else for you to hold on to, to stop you from reaching the concrete below. If you jump into the sea, at least you have a chance of survival if you swim hard enough, long enough. But jumping down into the air, there’s nothing.

Okay, I know I’m sounding morbid. Just feeling very, very sad for the boys and what could have been for them. Really. I’m very emotional and sentimental. Sad is not even the word to describe. Sad is too mild a word. sigh…