Motherhood

Yesterday I had a strange dream. Strange because I do not know whether it’s a good dream or a bad one. You know the feeling sometimes when you woke up and you know that you had a dream. It can leave you feeling happy because it was a sweet dream or it can leave you scary or unhappy because it was a bad one. Well, when I woke up, I still remember what my dream was but it was something that I can’t put to words and there’s a lot of mixed feelings that comes with it.

I put my title as ‘Motherhood’ because that’s what my dream was about. I dreamt that I had a baby! No, not the giving birth process and the pain and all that. Just that I had a baby. It was a boy. The baby was very young too, like around 2-3 months. Must be the after-effects of carrying ZC & Zer’s 1 month old baby. Anyway, in the dream, the baby is mine. No specifics about how the baby looks like. No, doesn’t look like baby Daniel because it’s my baby and the dream was very clear about that and so it very clearly showed me that the baby is not baby Daniel’s face.

Ok, this is embarrassing but in the dream, I get to breast feed my baby! Haha. I’ve always enjoyed carrying and taking care of babies and children. All the children I have played with and carried, I can efficiently attend to all their needs…except feed them. This is something which I’ve always regretted because I’ve always wondered about the feeling of breast feeding. Will you be able to feel the milk flowing out of you? Will it be painful? Will you be able to have milk coming our of your breast when you just sort of press your breast, things like that. So, in the dream, I get to experience it and it was great to be able to have my own baby!

Well, next thing to ask would be, ‘Who’s the father?’. In the dream, the baby doesn’t have a father. I just had a baby! Dreams are supposed to be weird and out of logic, so nothing wrong with that. There was a guy in the dream who is there for me and the baby but then I’m not going to say who he is. You can say it reflects my feelings for this guy but he’s someone who people knows and I prefer not to let all of you reading this blog to know. It’s too sensitive. Haha.

Anyway, back to the strange part of the dream. I was happy with having a baby to call my own in the dream. It’s also scary too. I don’t really know what to do with the baby. It wasn’t a long dream because I was woken up by the alarm but when I woke up, I had a sense of lost. I was like wondering where my baby is and why I seemed so free. I was also aching to hold my baby and breast feed him too! Yes, the breast feeding part was very vivid. It’s not a wet dream, ok!

Well, just want to blog this down so I can remember. I look forward to having a baby of my own. Some day. Some day….