Helpless

Today I did something that I feel guilty about. Well, not that guilty but then I feel bad. I made my tuition student cry. She comes from a broken family. Her parents do not live with her and she's brought up by her maternal grandparents. That's also the reason why she is so weak in her studies. She can't even spell simple words like 'grandmother', 'around' or 'agree'. She's in Primary Four already!

Well, the reason she cried was because I was quite strict with her and she can't take it. I threaten to not teach her anymore and for her to find another teacher. She's afraid her grandmother would scold her, so she has to accede to my demands. You know, I always can't stand students who are too slow to get what I'm saying. However, I always remind myself that if they're clever or smart, they wouldn't need me to tutor them. So, I realise that I don't mind that you're slow. What I can't stand is that the student doesn't put in effort or not willing to learn. That puts me off so much and makes me very angry. I may seem as patient and kind and loving to children, but actually when it comes to areas of disciplining, teaching and learning, I'm very strict and demanding. I can be very crazy when playing, sometimes to the point of not caring so much about safety, but when it comes to studies, I would always apply my own standards to the children I teach. I wouldn't say that I'm very clever, but I like to think that I'm smart. A lot of times, I can't get things or concepts very fast and I used to demand this of my students. I then realise that not everyone is able to grapse things as fast.

Anyway, I can't stand my student because now that she is used to me, she starts to talk back. She also is very, very stubborn, wanting to do things her way. The thing is, she is very good in wasting time and I always feel that time is wasted in her doing things her own way. When I tried to tell her nicely, she refuses to listen. You know, the main purpose I'm hired is to help her study for her spelling, both English and Chinese! She can study that on her own! I want to help her with Maths concepts, English grammar and vocabulary but she doesn't want. She even wants me to just sit there and watch or help her with Art and Craft! I just feel that it's such a waste of time and money for her.

Ok, I should stop ranting. Kids nowadays are no longer the obedient sort like when I was a kid. I was always afraid of my teachers. When I was in primary school, I was so afraid of my teachers that I do not even dare to ask for permission to go toilet. I would always try to hold my bladder till a suitable time to go. Sigh...times are changing.