Last day

When I first met them, one was jumping with joy at seeing a new person to play with, one was drooling and shy to see a stranger. When she holds out her wet fingers to me, I cringe with disgust and hope against hope I’ll get used to it fast. She can’t even talk and we have a slight communication problem. No problem with the older one. She’s sociable and made me get to work immediately, irritating me with her non-stop chatter and questions.

When I changed the first poopy diaper for her, I nearly vomited there and then because of the stinky smell. I’ve never actually changed a single soiled diaper in my life although I’ve seen it countless times to know the theory. That was a big mess. It happened to be a big poop and I had to drop the diaper on the floor, face down! Had to go get something to wipe the poop off the floor. In the rush to make sure she doesn’t fall off the changing table, I stepped on the poop on the floor. Had my socks on, so had to take it off and wash it. After much struggles, I finally got her changed. We learnt together and I was proud of myself. I actually looked forward to changing her next diaper. Can even do it single-handedly now.

When I tried to feed them, it gave me headaches. Never tried to cook a decent meal for myself before, much less for 2 young children. We had our trial and errors. The older one likes tomatoes, the younger one hates it. The younger one likes macaroni and cheese, the older one dislikes it. The older one likes plum, the younger one is not so hot for it. The younger one likes cantaloupe, the older one wouldn’t touch it. The older one is adventurous in trying new food, the younger one is more conservative. We eventually discovered all of us like the fried rice I made, carrots, broccoli and fruits too. We learnt and discover together.

When I’m away from those who I love and those who love me, they gave me their love, trust, hugs and slobbery kisses. I, in turn gave them my heart, treating them like my own and don’t even bother to correct others when they call me their mummy.

When we’re comfortable with each other now and they’ve begun to take me for granted, it’s time to leave. One is learning her letters and numbers and learning to read while the other is talking so much now that she keeps asking ‘why’ questions that I have no answers to. Perhaps it’s time. Perhaps I’m not ready. Perhaps there’ll be another time to meet again. I don’t know. Remembering my 3-4 years old period, I can’t remember anything. They won’t too. Maybe I won’t be remembered. Maybe I would. I’m just glad to be able to, in a small way, be able to shape their growing up years.

When I think of my girls, Kara and Brigid, I’ll always think of 2 beautiful, innocent faces. The love we shared and the fun we had. I’ll never forget them, even if they do. I just hope that I’ll eventually have girls(or boys) that I can truly call my own, so I would not have to dream of these 2 whom I had, for 2 short years.



Sylvia
September 25, 2006 at 4:35 pm

aww..
*hugs