Life in London so far

Finally we got cable internet at the house here in London and I’m able to surf the internet for free! Have been trying to go to the library to get online and was shock to have to pay one pound for every half hour of usage. So, I only did it once a week just to clear my mailbox and to do some planning for my trips. Have been missing blogging. I actually like this method of putting down my thoughts and feelings, not that I have a lot of them recently.

This past one month of staying in London has been the most boring part of my life so far in the past 2 years. I’m literally staying at home all day, everyday. The pound is so strong and makes everything so expensive that I don’t dare to spend my money on anything, much less go out and enjoy. The good thing is that I’ve been to London before, twice, so I don’t need to do the touristy stuff. So far, only went once into central London to visit Buckingham Palace. The Queen goes on vacation every summer and they open up the State Rooms in Buckingham Palace to the public. So, it’s a good timing for me to go. After that, I went to catch a musical at West End. Les Miserables! After watching it, I don’t really find it to be a really great show. The story doesn’t really fit and seems strange. However, the cast did a great job with the singing and acting.

I have plans to go Ireland and Scotland for a week each for vacation. I don’t know why I’m not at all excited and not really looking forward to going. This is the first time I’m feeling this way for a vacation. I guess partly, I’m pretty paranoid about my money running out here. I only have whatever money I have left from USA. Today is officially the last day I’m working for my host family and they’re not paying me anymore. Well, I can’t imagine myself spending all the money I had in just 2 months here, but I do want to bring some money home to S’pore. Who knows how long I’ll take to find a job. I need something to feed myself in the meantime. Also, having been in the States for almost 2 years and if I go home with nothing to show for, it seems like I’ve wasted 2 years. Thirdly, I have not given my parents any money for these 2 years. Have to set aside some amount to give them when I’m back. Even if I don’t give them, they will ask for it, so I better be prepared.

Right now, I just hope to leave here as soon as possible. Not that I want to leave Kara and Brigid or my host family. I will miss them a lot. But the whole feeling is just different. I’m in a different house, no friends, no freedom, not much money. If I’m still back in Fairfield, I will definitely not want to go home and will feel very, very sad at the prospect of going home. Moving to London is just a whole lot of changes for me and I think I’m at the end of my patience and tolerance for changes. I also have the feeling that I’m out-staying my welcome with my host family. Whenever they talk about their plans for the future and I know that it doesn’t include me, I just feel like an outsider. It’s just so sad.

I just hope that I can keep in touch with them. They have so many things to keep up with that they’re a little at a lost too. Kara just started kindergarten at the international school here. Dutch is coming soon to join the family but she’s not feeling very good back in USA at Anne’s parents’ house. I tend to be the least of their problems and I get neglected. I guess I’m selfish to want to have their attention just because I’m leaving them. I want them to feel sad and reluctant too, like how I’m feeling. Their ease of letting me go just makes me feel sad and dispensable.

I’m tired of always being such a pessimist. Have to go find some friends who’re happy and optimistic to cheer me up. I miss my friends back in USA!!!