Choices

to make. That’s what I have to do. Like I said after my last post, I’ve finally tendered in my resignation. No drama, just gave the letter and it was accepted. No talks, no requests to stay. Some of my friends have been asking why this sudden decision to quit. Well, just feel that it’s the right time. If I don’t do it now, I won’t be able to leave for another 2-3 months, when my boss gave birth. Better to do it now when she’s ok and can look for someone to take over me.

An amazing thing happened right after I tendered. Well, I tendered on a Friday and on the next Monday that came, I was offered jobs! Really, I got calls from headhunter companies, and even by emails offering me jobs. Well, not the final offer but something to tell me that at least I’m able to have a job even if I quit. This is truly amazing as I’ve been looking for jobs for a couple of months now and have not had any success so far, but the moment I tendered, it’s as if those people knew about it and came looking for me! Truly God is looking out for me! So far, I’ve been offered - 2 nanny jobs, one in Singapore, one in UK(which I’m very tempted to take up), one PA position, one HR position and another Operations Assistant position(which I just went for interview this morning). See, I’m in hot demand! Haha!

Well, the UK nanny position is one that I’m really, really sorely tempted to take. It offers me good money and good working conditions. The duties are almost like what I did in USA. However, since there’s no agency to be the watchdog this time, I’m not making my decision so fast. Have to be careful. I saw and heard too many horror stories while in USA and this, even with an agency, what’s more I now don’t have one. What’s also keeping me from accepting this nanny position is that I somehow feel that by taking care of other children, I’m somehow betraying Kara and Brigid (not that they would know or care). Well, before, all my love was for Kara and Brigid. I don’t know if I’m capable of transferring my love and affections to other children. If I cannot, it’s very unfair to the children that I’ll be taking care of. If I can, it’s very sad for me as I don’t want to lose the strong feeling of love I had for Kara and Brigid and the Lynchs. I don’t know if anyone will understand this feeling. Can’t really express it.

The other position that I’m interested in is the one that I went interview for this morning. There’s room for me to go further, there’s new things to learn and it offers stability. Of course, that can also translate to boring and routine work. Depends on what I want. Anyway, I still have to wait for their news. I’m not the only one they’re talking to.

On another note, last night, while I was going home from work, I suddenly realised something, much to my horror. It’s that I seem to be missing Kara and Brigid less! Yes, they’re still my darlings and very dear to my heart but I suddenly realise that I don’t yearn and miss them as much as I was before. This is really horrific to me because I don’t want to lose that feeling of loving them so much so that my heart ache. I did enjoy loving them and missing them. Talk about self-torture. Well, I guess the point is that if I can lose this love for them gradually, what’s to say for Kara and Brigid who’re still so young and easily forgets? I’m sure by now, their impression and love they had for me is already lost. Sure, they do remember me and that I used to take care of them and maybe some of the things we did in USA, but I think they won’t have that feeling of loving and affection for me anymore.

Right now, with my resignation, there’s a lot of decisions to make and eventually, the choices I decide will affect the rest of my life. Seems serious but it’s true. I still have not decided about the big plan I had. With me getting older, I’m turning to be less adventurous. I can’t play, play now as I have to think about the next step and even the next few years my life. Argh!! What should I do? I’ll leave it to the good Lord. Seems that I have a pretty good idea, just waiting for another sign. Let you know soon.