Change of heart

‘Is it me?’ I ask myself. No, it’s just human nature. It wasn’t mine from the start and never was. It’s too much to ask for an indefinite wait. Time will erase all memories. Something better will come along. It’s all just part of the package of being on holiday. While a mail says one thing, another mail will say the other, just because, things have changed.

Not that I’m really very sad. Just….I don’t know…disappointed, maybe? Disappointed at how things could change so fast. How I just can’t be the one? Disappointed at how ordinary I am. Well, it’s not that I have to cling to it. That’s all in the past. I’m back to reality. Maybe it’s better this way. Gives me the reason to let go, not to cling on for something that’s not meant to be.

God is always good. This is the way of telling me not to hope against hope. Not to do things that I’ll regret. Yes, I guess being cruel sometimes and being direct is the way to stop all forms of uncertainties. No need for guessing.
I still feel sad about it. Sad for human nature. Sad for the memories. No, I still do not regret it. Just that why do I have to be so imaginative? Why do I have so much hope? I’m allowed to feel sad and down for now. I have this right to. Yes, I do. So, let me wallow in self-pity for now. Let me do it my way…