Last days in USA

Today is Sunday. I’m leaving on Wednesday. Wanted to blog this on the last day in USA but I’m not sure I will have the time or chance to use the internet, so might as well do it now when I have the time.

Everyone has been asking if I’m happy or excited to be going to London. Frankly speaking, I’d rather not go to London at all, if I can choose. I don’t like so much changes in the last few months or last month with my host family. I’ve not seen them and the girls for 2 weeks now. Kinda miss them. But at the same time, not as much as when I left for vacation the first time. Maybe it’s not that hard to leave them after all. Also, I’ve been to London twice so far. Not much excitement there as I’ve seen all that I need to see. Of course can go visit other places, but there’s not really a need to.

I envisioned spending my last days in USA soaking in all the sights of Fairfield, revisiting the places with lots of memories, having hugs with the neighbours and friends and lastly, having a tearful farewell with my host family. Not the hurried goodbyes said to the neighbours and not even being able to give proper hugs and kisses and goodbyes to the girls. I didn’t have the chance to look over the house properly and say my goodbye too. I don’t know which is harder - leaving a house fully furnished with all the memories or leaving an empty house devoid of all the furniture and trying to imagine the memories I’ve created there.

Since my host family is already not in the States anymore, I don’t feel that bad to leave this country. I do miss the house back in Fairfield, CT though. Now, the new family has moved in. I keep wondering how they did up the place and what changes they made to it. When I sleep at night at my friends’ place, I sometimes think that I’m back in my room in Fairfield. I really, really miss it. My home for almost 2 years. It has been really a very good 2 years and I was really enjoying the comforts that the home offered. I keep having the urge to go see the house but it’s a good one and a half hours drive there and I no longer have my own car. Can’t ask my friends to drive me there just to fulfil my sentimental wishes.

Anyway, I went to NYC on Friday. It was my last time in the city. Everywhere I went, I remind myself of that and tried to remember everything that I know so well. I can move around NYC with ease and take buses or subways to go to where I want with no problem. Especially at Times Square. That was the first sight I saw in NYC and I guess it’s fitting that it was the last one too. I don’t think I will come to NYC/Times Square/USA after I go back to S’pore. Don’t really like going to the same place twice. The world is such a big place. Just to go to each place once in a life time would be impossible. Why waste time going to the same place twice?

The uncertainty of how the house in London is going to be is also another factor of me reluctant to move. It’s like coming to the States 2 years ago, except that I now know how the family is going to be like. But I can feel that my host family is maybe a little different now. I think my host parents are teaching the girls to be a little engaged from me so that it will not be too hard for them when the time comes for me to go. It’s right to do that too, but I just feel so sad. I’ve always think of them as my own and love them more than myself. Now, to tell myself to distance from them just seems very cruel to me. I wish to do it so it won’t be so hard to leave them when the time comes but it’s hard to let go.

Well, I’m flying to London on Wed(26 July). I hope London has just as good memories for me as Fairfield. Don’t really know what the future brings. I can only keep praying for guidance. A lot of unexpected things came up during these last few weeks that I didn’t plan for. I’m sure there’ll be more to come. Just hope it would not be too drastic or too much for me to handle. So far, things have been working out well.
Will not be having internet connection when I get to London. As soon as I have the time and connection, I will update more about my life there. But with all those travelling and settling down, I doubt it. Will try my best.



Sylvia
July 24, 2006 at 4:49 pm

=)

*hugs

we welcome you home soon, girl..