Being a 'mum'

This week, I had a taste of really being a mum to the girls. Anne(my host mum) had to go to London for her work and I had to work extra hours to take care of the girls. Dan(my host dad) always leave the house at 6am to take the train to work. Most of the time, the girls would still be sleeping, so we instructed them to go to my room when they wake up and can’t find daddy/mummy. Brigid wakes up soooo early. It has been a constant 6.10am every morning. I feel sooo tired! Kara is also constant in waking up at 7am. Yesterday, Dan had a dinner engagement for his work, which means that I got to spend an entire day with the girls, from when they wake up to when I put them down to sleep. It’s not too bad actually, since they’re in school for most of the day. It’s a good thing they’re good girls, so it wasn’t much trouble for me. I have to say that I really enjoyed it. Haha! I guess I can be a good mum after all. Fixing them breakfast, lunch, dinner is nothing for me now. I gave them their bath, read books to them, and put them to bed. If there’s somebody to pay the bills, I can be a good stay-at-home mum! Now I appreciate the merits of having nice and good children. I guess it all depends on how you teach them. Although I complain that the girls are naughty, I know that they’re much well-behaved than most of other children, especially since they’re American children. You can’t really expect children to be angels all the time. Then there would be something wrong! The American culture is to teach them to be vocal and independent. Sometimes, these children can be sooo vocal to the point of being rude. I’m glad Dan and Anne are good parents in that they do not over-spoil the girls. They try not to discipline the girls when they’re with them since they don’t spend much time with them. It’s only when it’s really necessary then they will do that. Sometimes that can be bad, but I can understand the desire to just spend quality, happy times with the girls.

Hmm…actually everything that I do this week is really easy for me. I think I’m too used to the girls and the workings of this family. Sometimes I take comfort in the fact that I have the girls who love me, but in the end, they still don’t belong to me! They are still close to mummy and daddy. When they cry, they ask for mummy, so where do I stand? No matter how much they love me, they still have their parents. When would I have such unconditional love from my child(ren)? The joys of being a parent is so great! Of course, I’m not the one to pay the bills, so I won’t know the tough job of raising them..

A lot of the other au pairs have said that after being an au pair for a year here, they have made up their minds not to have any children of their own. Me, I’ve been with them for a year plus and my desire for children of my own have grown. In the beginning, I do feel that it’s tough to be the parents. You have to be ‘on call’ 24/7. This week, I have to do the same and I feel that it’s not as bad as I thought. You just have to make priorities and adjustments. When you give unconditionally and treat the children like your own, you will get back the same unconditional love back from them. That’s when you feel the satisfaction. I know that most of the other au pairs see taking care of the children as a job. They do love their children, but it’s still a job to them. For me, I really enjoy the process of just being with them. I do have bad days and is sometimes(or maybe a lot of times) impatient with them but I guess when you’re a mum, you get to have one of those days too.

Sigh…when will I have my own family??