Heart like still water

After going through several relationships which amount to nothing, I’ve still not learned my lessons. As age catch up with me, I tend to get a little nervous about still being single. Every guy I meet, I would ask myself whether he’s a possibility. And believe me when I say I fall very easy for a guy. Just be nice to me.While anxious, I’m also afraid of choosing the wrong guy again and wasting all those time dating and then finding out the he’s not ‘The One’. Other than wasting time, there’s the being hurt issue too. Really very hurting when a relationship ends.

So, to solve this problem, some years ago I’ve made a prayer to God. I told God that if the guy that I meet is not going to be ‘The One’ then please don’t make me fall in love with him or have any feelings for the person. I think God must have been listening to my prayer and answering it.

I have not felt anything special for any guy for a very long time. True, sometimes when it’s only a one-sided love, it’s torturous. But you can’t deny that it’s also a sweet feeling. When the guy talks or calls you, you feel so happy. When the guy goes out with you, you try your best to impress. You can say that my heart is like still water now. It does not feel anything much nowadays. Well, of course I still have love for God, love for friends and family and most of all, love for Kara and Brigid, which hurts me sometimes to think about them. But a love relationship between a man and a woman should be the strongest and I’ve not had that for a long time.

When I listen to the radio and they say think of the person that you like and want to tell him/her about it, I can’t think of any single special person. There’s just no target around me at the moment and I guess, I can safely say I’m nobody’s target too. This means that I’ve not been widening my social circle and don’t meet new people at all recently, other than my clients at work, which don’t count. Most of my guy friends around me are either married, have girlfriends or we have known each other for so long that a relationship is impossible. I think I need to do some thing about this. God can help but I need to have some actions too. Now, where should I start?