Problems

Life is full of problems. Every time I thank God for letting me find Him and be saved. If not for God’s words and grace in my life, I think I would have turned out to be a very bad person. I do admit that by nature, I’m a meek and obedient person. However, I’m human after all. I do have evil and bad thoughts sometimes. At these times, I would think of God’s wrath on me and what He doesn’t want me to do or want me to do. I’m just so scared of falling away from God’s ways and grace.

There’s so many problems in my life now, I don’t even know how to deal with it. Being a private person, I keep them to myself and try to solve it myself or with the persons involved. I don’t know why I’m such a quiet person that I don’t even tell those close to me my most inner thoughts and problems. If I’m more vocal, I would have lesser worries and thoughts. But I’m just so embarrassed and feel shameful of some of my problems. I guess this is because I’m not brought up in a family that talks a lot. Now, even when there’re problems within, the communication problem is the most important thing lacking.

What do I do? What can I do? I always turn to the most extreme form of solution but that’s always the worst thing to do. At this time, I have to remind myself of God’s ways and really try to do things that He favours and not what I think is right. Well, I know it’s not right also, but it’s the easiest way. Money is the root of all evil. This is a very true sentence. A person can turn from good to evil because of it. It can also cause a person to turn away from feelings, relationships and all the love one has for his family and friends. Even when one has enough to get by, one always thinks of ways to get more. This is greed that is working within us. I try not to become too mercenary so I don’t really care about what I earn from my job. I try to find something that I enjoy doing. But reality always has to pull me back and remind me that I’m not living for myself. There’s so many other responsibilities in our life that it’s really very stressful sometimes. I guess by coming here to the states, I’m sort of escaping a lot of problems back in S’pore. A lot of people cannot understand why I chose this path in my life, but I know the real reason. It is something that I would not admit to anyone because by saying it, I shows how selfish I am. But am I wrong to want have a life of my own? How much should I have to bear before others say that it’s enough? Do I have to bear it for the rest of my life? Do I really have to always think of others before myself? That’s how God does it, but I’m not God! I don’t have to powers to make things right or to make myself super rich!! Money, money, money! That’s all they think about!!! How about me?! How about love?! This would be a much better world if everyone has more love for each other and to give away.


Laixing
February 24, 2006 at 7:09 pm

heya.. yeah i very much agree with you that money is the cause over a lot of bad things.. .pple always want this and that… clamour for the glamourous.. .and never thought about meaning in their lives.. .be strong! And do speak out sometimes… but not all the time :p