It's been a long time...

…since I’ve blogged. Other than being lazy, this lack of blog entries is largely due to the fact that I don’t have my own PC! My only access to internet is when I work. Although I do get lots of free time during work sometimes, I don’t really like to write then. I need lots of time to think and need to concentrate. The fact that someone (gasp, my boss??) may be looking over my shoulder or coming along anytime, just breaks my concentration and I don’t like to do it sneakily. Not that I don’t have anything to blog about. I have so many things in my head that I want to write down, if not for anything, but to remind myself. That’s also the reason that I don’t want to write during short breaks at work. Just can’t do it.

Have recently been to Japan with boss and family. Can’t say I don’t enjoy it, after all, it’s an all-expense paid trip, what’s to complain, right? But given the chance, don’t think I’ll travel with them again. True, I’m there for work first and foremost, so I shouldn’t be thinking about my own enjoyment. But when someone goes on business trip, they do get breaks off from work to enjoy themselves and things like that. But I’m ‘on duty’ 24 hours during the time I’m there! I sleep with the 2 oldest kids and so have to be the last to sleep and first to wake. Real tiring man! Try to do my best and have to listen to complains all the time. Just hard to enjoy.

Anyway, I’ve been getting more and more restless. Just ideas going into my head and I really think I’m going to carry them out soon. Have to do things while I’m still young(I’m not yet 30!) or I’ll regret it in future. Really, nothing much to keep me from doing what I want. True, lots of bills to pay, not enough money, have responsibilities at home. But why am I the only one to care? I may not be more happy, but at least I enjoy what I’ll be doing.

Will update when I’m confirmed with my plans.

Being single

Single means you have the time to grow and be the person you want to be. Single gives you space to grow. Sometimes, it is harder to grow when you are too close to someone.

Trees are planted far apart so they can spread their branches and become strong as they mature.

Single means learning to live by yourself. However, that is no more difficult than learning to live with somebody else.

Single means freedom. You are free to spend a week’s vacation on the beach, to take computer courses, to work late on an interesting project, to spend the day in bed with a good book, or simply with a person who has read one.

Single means learning not to need a man/woman to make your life meaningful but learning to live with a man/woman because you want to be with him/her.

Single means that sometimes you will wonder why you will bite your lip and feel wistful and wonder if marriage is better.

Ironically, yet quite happily, single is feeling good about being in control of your life.

It is liking and respecting who you are and why you are.

Single is realizing that being married is not necessarily better, it is merely different.

Single means that there could be something wonderful around the corner and you can take advantage of it.

Single means you are free to love again. There are times when we are afraid of telling the person, whom we love or like, what we feel deep inside because we might just lose them.

That’s a big risk… I know. But hey….everything is.

The way I see it is, why keep something inside and then end up regretting it in the near future?

But as I’ve said…. everything is a big risk.
So…whatever you decide to do with your feelings…
whether you tell it to that person or not…

you have to be ready with the consequences that come after it and accept it.

Whatever decisions that you have made in your life is part of your growing experience… part of life.

Whatever decisions that you have to make will influence or affect your future.

So think hard before deciding on certain things.

Excitment

Have not been blogging for some time. Goes to show how boring my life is currently. Actually, I’ve been quite busy, but I don’t know what I’m busy with. Other than work from Mon to Fri, I have student tuition ministry in church on Sat afternoon and on Sun I attend church. Most of the time, Sat morning is spent catching up on sleep. I’m someone who needs lots of sleep, as I’ve said a lot of times before.

Oh, about the exciting news. Have been wanting to blog about it as soon as I got the news, but delayed till now. It’s that my host mum, Anne who’s in London, she’s pregnant! I was so shocked and excited about it when she told me 2 weeks ago. I really have the urge to fly over and see her and ask all the questions I wanted to know, like how she’s feeling, how the girls are taking the news, what preparations they’re doing for it, etc. Most important of all, I really feel like giving up everything and go over to them to help with the girls and the coming baby, not that they’d asked me.

You know during the British-era, when most British families in Singapore hired ‘mah jies’ or amahs to help them with their housework and children? Those ‘mah jies’ would take the vow of celibacy and work their whole life for these families. The children they take care of often see the ‘mah jies’ as another mother or grandmother. I would do that too for the Lynches, if only they would ask or want me. I can absolutely understand the thinking of the ‘mah jies’ and why they are willing to not marry and take care of other people’s children. This is an easy decision when you work for a good family who treat you well like their own family member. Well, the Lynches did not ask anything of me. As I think of Kara and Brigid and of the new baby(to be born in Sept), I just feel like asking them if they need me. However, I’m sure with them being in London now and everything not sure in the future, they would not be able to make any long-term plans anyway.

Recently, I’m being surrounded by babies and pregnant women. A classmate from university just gave birth and went to see her baby when he’s a month old. Then, got to know about Anne’s pregnancy. Then, Xinqing, a friend from church said she’s pregnant again(for the 3rd time!). My boss is pregnant herself, due in October. Yueping, in the States, is giving birth in July. On Sat, Shiying, gave birth to her first child, a daughter. So many babies, so much happiness all around. But all I can do is to stand around and give them my blessings(which I really do, from the bottom of my heart) while my biological clock is ticking away.

Actually, I would really want a child. I really want a child. Have been thinking of adoption but for the stringent rules governing adoption of children in Singapore. If I’m in USA, I would apply for adoption straight away as a single parent. So, being in Singapore means the next best thing to having a child would be to get a guy, marry and get pregnant. But, where to get this guy? Also, living with someone else who has his fixed habits and faults is difficult. How to find someone who can compromise with me enough to live together and also that we must have the same religion?

My hopes of having a child seems miles away…